I have a question, Comic Book Guy...

Hi, Comic Book Guy. Nice to meet you. Long-time comic book fan, once lapsed, now returned. For purposes of context, I feel obligated to point out that I have to sit down to pee. I hope you are well, particularly after the uproar and indignity you've experienced lately. Anyway, I have a question. Actually, many.

Review: Silent Hill - Homecoming

Apparently, somehow since the first game, this became necessary.

Sometimes I'll get a stray hair (I don't like the phrase 'wild hair') of an urge to take a close look at something old to others, but new to me. I really liked the first couple of Silent Hill games when they came out, but for some reason never got around to playing any of the sequels beyond that. My boyfriend bought Homecoming super cheap recently, and I had a chance to give it a go. In a word, ugh.

Review: Batgirl - Spoiled (Blindside)

Well, now. Where to begin. I guess we have to talk about rape.

Review: Beyond the Black Rainbow

Beyond the Black Rainbow is either one of the most gripping film experiences you will have, or a confusing, overly-long and boring let-down. Either way, the end result will say more about your own mind rather than the movie itself.

Review: National Comic's 'Looker'

Just kidding.

Unlike those with corporate freebie connections, or those fortunate enough to work in a LCS, I actually buy everything I review here. And his artwork aside (see above), you didn't seriously expect me to put money in the pocket of a hate-driven, homophobic / Islamophobic militant Christian fundamentalist like Mike S. Miller, did you? Go forth and Google some of the horrifying beliefs he has. Made all the more disturbing by how completely civilized he can appear on message boards. Even if you're one of the people that will be 'drowning in a river of blood'.

DC has some interesting hiring practices though, don't they?

Review: Marvel Tales by Alan Davis

A three (arguably four) part ClanDestine story, Marvel Tales by Alan Davis begins through a 'stealth prologue' in Thor: The Truth of History. It then casts a wide, appealing net to draw readers in through Fantastic Four Annual #33, funnels them down through a sliding scale of interest (ClanDestine fans vs.  non-fans) in Daredevil Annual #1, and finally drips the remaining few out of Wolverine Annual #1. Dr. Strange is also utilized as a linking thread throughout all three annuals, acting (just as the title characters) in varying degrees of importance with each issue. 

Scattered Thoughts.

Nostalgic Thought: I miss comic characters from my childhood that have disappeared, apparently never to be seen again.

Apologetic Thought: Have you ever flopped down on your bed, resulting in an irritated, indignant, squished meow from somewhere underneath the covers? I always feel bad when that happens.

Psychological Thought: I wonder how many people that play customized video game characters take the time to make the toon look exactly like themselves? Is that ego-centric? I just find it strangely compelling to be able to watch a digital duplicate of myself ride a horse down on bandits, or run away from a giant, or flail wildly off a cliff. Is that ego-centric? Self-hating? Both?

Reflective Thought: When I was very little, my Grandpa convinced me that the entire world was black and white until 1939, and then color spontaneously burst into existence. Hollywood captured the precise moment on film by coincidence, while shooting a movie at the time. My Grandpa was a strange man who fed me weird stories. Sometimes I believed them. But the idea of a 'God' never took.

Tail-puffed Thought: My boyfriend and I were playing Borderlands together for the first time, and we stumbled across a porn magazine in the game called 'Heavy Fire'. It featured a considerably-large, naked, red-haired woman on the cover. He laughed himself to tears. I punched him in the arm.

Delicious Thought: Mexican Coke is the best. Fact. Not opinion.

Review: Wonder Woman T.V. Pilots (1967, 1974, 2011)

Wow. Just....wow.

First, to clarify: the 1967 and 2011 pilots feel so ass-backward and dated that they feel like they were shot in the mid-fifties and mid-nineties, respectively. The 1974 pilot 'feels' about right for the time period, but what do I know? My perception is after-the-fact, since I didn't quite exist at the time. 

Review: Hawkeye #1 (2012)

What do you think the result can be when you create a superhero comic with no super powers, no costumes, no grand epic battle, no explosions, no teams, and not a single use of the main character's signature weapon? A compellingly heart-felt and wonderful character study, it turns out.

Scattered Thoughts.

Baffled Thought:  I have a confession. I do not like Big Bang Theory. I've tried. I've watched multiple episodes. Despite being a card-carrying geek my whole life, I can't stand that show. It's not only *not* funny to me, I also find it stupidly-pandering, with 'geek' references that come off as desperate and off-putting. As opposed to Community, which I love, and feel is the exact opposite. I wonder if I'm the only one that feels that way. Is this what geeks who don't like Star Wars feel like? Personal opinions are a strange and funny thing.

Depressed Thought:  Have you ever been hanging out with a group of relatively new people, either at school, or work, or online, or wherever, and you feel like you've gotten to not only know them pretty well, but actually kind of like them? And then completely out of the blue, they casually and repeatedly drop a racist / bigoted / phobic / sexist hate word, like 'nigger', 'cunt', 'tranny', 'faggot', or 'retard'? And it's like a punch to your emotional stomach? You wonder if confronting them would do any good, but realize they've made it clear how they feel about 'others'? So you just walk away, wondering how you could have been so completely wrong about them? Yeah, that feeling is the worst.

Happy Thought:  If the entire world could sit down and eat my African Curry Chicken and homemade apple pie, there would be no more war. I'm just sayin'.

Wishful Thought:  I've said it before, I'll say it again: Shoot the next Fantastic Four movie with retro lenses, lighting, and studio logos, but with cutting edge effects, and have it take place entirely in the 60's. Shoot Doctor Strange dirty grindhouse style (roughed-up prints and all), lace the story with Lovecraft-esque horror and have it take place in the 70's. Not everything has to be contemporary.

Exhausted Thought:  My boyfriend took me to see The Dark Knight Rises. That movie is 8 hours long, two hours wide, and 6 full hours around. Impressive-looking, but too much to take and still be enjoyable.

Building Models.

Recently I stumbled across this.

And the first thought that struck me was, 'No, no, no...the artist is doing it wrong. That isn't sexy.' Because clearly they didn't get the 'Comic Book Guidelines For Drawing Female Characters' memo. This artist did, after approaching an industry professional with their work. Wonderful, isn't it? Wrong. According to the industry professional, 'her breasts are too small, jawline is fat, neck is too long, hair is clunky (?!), hips, waist and thighs are too big, and she looks fat'. Another artist reconstructed it to industry specifications, and came up with this.

*Now* it's worthy of publication. It was also recommended by the industry insider that artists study Sports Illustrated (swimsuit) issues, because, quote, 'Those women are the peak of perfection', unquote. Now mind you, this point must be made clear. Don't look at supermodels themselves in person. Only study the swimsuit issues, because 'perfect' requires help. Professional industry help!

I made notes for clarifications.

You see, although some of us are willing to sell ourselves as a product for consumption and disposal, even that isn't enough. It's ok though, an industry professional can help. Just as they 'fix' supermodels, and give super heroines a 'proper' look, so to can they 'fix' an......escort. All you have to do is just debone her ribcage like a fish, remove internal organs, pull femurs out of their hip sockets, pump helium into anything left over, and inflate. Bingo!

And hey, if people don't like it, they should just ignore it. Of course, advertising in the U.S. is a 250 billion a year industry...and you are exposed to 3000 ads a day...but, you know....just ignore it. After all, it's just selling "fantasy" imagery, it's not like it's hurting anybody. 

Except 22 million people with eating disorders, with numbers growing at an epidemic rate. But who cares, right?

Sigh.

"It's a totally different perspective..."

"...and it makes you appreciate how fragile our existence is."

Thank you, Sally.

Review: Dr. Strange (1978)

Dr. Strange was a t.v. movie that aired in 1978 as a proposed pilot. It aired against Roots. Needless to say, it was obliterated in the ratings. The series never got approved. Watching it is like having a guy spike your drink with a mild hallucinogenic, and then waking up the next morning only being vaguely aware of what happened together the night before. My thoughts while watching it follow.

Review: Doctor Mordrid (1992)

Full Moon videos were a sort of background noise for me throughout my teens. By that I mean, I always seemed to find myself renting and watching them, but half the time they wouldn't hold my attention, so my mind would wander to something else while the movie continued to play. Somehow this gem escaped me (but to be fair, it was a thread-bare video store in a small town).

Review: Captain Marvel #1 (2012)

Captain Marvel has arrived.

I'll dispense with the plot description, and simply say that I found this book to be brilliant. I must not be alone, since it has sold out along with Avenging Spider-Man #9, and gone back for a second printing. Kelly Sue DeConnick has written a labor of love, and given her own experiences growing up an Air Force brat, I can't imagine anyone else better to develop Carol Danvers. 'Watching' the opening fight between Carol and Creel was not only fun, but also inspiring. When you encounter the type of rare, empowered characterization like this (or her depiction in Avenging Spider-Man #9) it's like a breath of fresh air. It makes you suddenly, keenly aware how dull your emotional senses have become by being bombarded with the typical tropes on parade, week after week on your LCS rack. Carol Danvers is being portrayed as a warrior and believable, relatable women first and foremost, with fully-realized agency. 'Sex symbol' a subjective, distant third, fourth, or fifth on the list, if at all. Fantastic!